Melvin Durai's Humor: "THANK YOU FOR NOT SHARING"

Column at Nshima.com

I'd like to take a few minutes to thank some of my friends
for not sharing. I know how hard it is not to share. After
all, when I was a little boy, my mother drummed into me the
importance of sharing. And soon after that, she scolded me
for coughing on my sister and trying to share my germs.




I learned, of course, that sharing has its limits. There are
some things in life you just shouldn't share, such as
underwear, toothbrushes, and girlfriends. It's also not a
good idea, however tempting it might be, to share a spouse.
I have no idea how women in some parts of the world -- not
just Utah -- manage to share a husband. I have enough
trouble sharing my wife with the Food Network.

Yes, sharing isn't always a good thing. That's why I want to
thank some of my friends:

Thank you for not sharing the photos of your vacation in
Hawaii last winter. I really didn't want to see you relaxing
on the beach with a margarita, not when I was stuck in
Winnipeg, getting treatment for frostbite on my butt.

Thank you for not sharing all 284 photos you took at your
daughter's graduation from nursery school. The three photos
you shared were just perfect, showing what an emotional
occasion it was, with several graduates crying as they came
to terms with the fact that, after a whole year of school,
they weren't getting the piece of cake with the flower on
it.

Thank you for not sharing your home movies with me. I'm sure
it was hard to keep them to yourself, especially since
you've taken your video camera everywhere and captured so
many proud moments, such as your 8-year-old daughter's first
No. 1 finish in a school race and your 3-year-old son's
first No. 1 finish in the bathroom.

Thank you for not sharing every detail of your life through
Twitter. I'm really grateful you didn't feel the urge to
send out a tweet that said, "It's that time of the month
again. Yes, it's time for me to take another bath."

Thank you for not sharing what's on your mind every single
time you log into Facebook. It's very kind of you to wait
until you have a really deep thought such as, "If the people
of Madagascar were really serious about going green, they'd
change their country's name to Madahybridcar."

Thank you for not sharing your family's recipe for squirrel
stew. I tried squirrel once and, to be completely frank with
you, I've had my share of rodents for a lifetime.

Thank you for not sharing your true opinion of my clothes. I
know I'm out of style: my shorts are too short, my pants
are too narrow, and my underwear is too concealed.

Thank you for not sharing your copy of Bill O'Reilly's book
"Kids Are Americans Too." Having three children caught
between two cultures, I'm more inclined to read Mahmoud
Ahmadinejad's book "Kids Are Too American."

Thank you for not sharing any gossip about our other
friends. You and I are alike: We don't like to gossip. But
do you know who does? I'll tell you later.

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(c) Copyright 2009 Melvin Durai. All Rights Reserved.
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