Brilliant Answers!!!

ANSWERS OF A BRILLIANT STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% I would have given him 100%

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?

* his last battle


Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

* at the bottom of the page

Awesome Replies to Adult Questions

(Miss Universe Contest)

USA
Question: Ms America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms America: Well, I can say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms America: Because it stands every time it sees a woman..
(Applause! Applause!)

Answer of the Year to the Question of the Day!

Job Abbreviations

The interviewer examined the job application
then turned to the prospective employee.

"I see you have put 'ASAP' down for the date
you are available to start, meaning as soon
as possible, of course. However, I see you've
put 'AMAP' down for required salary. I don't believe
I've ever seen that before, what does it mean?"

The applicant replied, "As Much as Possible!"

Tech Support

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the
Open Desktop."

Customer: "OK."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "OK. Right click again. Do you
see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what
you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click'
and I wrote 'click'."

(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to
tell the rest of the tech support staff what had
happened. I couldn't, however, stop from
giggling when I got back to the call.)

Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the
keyboard?"

Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

The Leave Applications

It's murder of English language. But Too Funny.


· Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.."


· This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."



· Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."


· From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."


· Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"


· An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."


· A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"


· Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."


· Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."


· Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."



· Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".




· Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."


· A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'.... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.


- My Funny Inbox
massive collection of funny e-mails, jokes, funny pictures

Apology Letter of a Bihari Teacher

A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty two days after the actual date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in writing...

_________

Deer sur,

If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker.

This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly,but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment.

I tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun.

I putted a complain on station masterji.

He said I to go to the lady clerk.

At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun.

Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun.

Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life.

I hope u will look into explain my hole story after,and late me joint first.

I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement.

May God blast you!"


Yours awfully,
yadav


May God Blast You! :)


- My Funny Inbox
massive collection of funny e-mails, jokes, funny pictures

A, B, C, D, for Apples

Would you like to go back to nursery again and learn a whole new set of A,B,C,…? Learning can be so much funnnn when you have a friend like Banta in class. He's invented a whole new nomenclature of A for Apple. Make sure you memorize this new list!!

Banta in classroom - Madam maine "abc" yaad karli..
Madam - Ok , to sunao..

Banta - abcdefghijklemnopqrstuvwxyz…..

Madam - Arey aise nahi ….aise suna A for apple
Banta - Ok Madam….

A for apple.
B for bada apple.
C for chhota apple.
D for dusra apple.
E for ek aur apple.
F for fokat ka apple.
G for gol apple.
H for hazar apple
I for itney saarey apple?
J for jaao nahi khaani hai apple
K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple
L for lena padhega tumko apple
M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple
N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple
O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple
P for peth bhar khaao apple
Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple
R for roz agar khaao tum apple
S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple
T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple
U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh apple
V for very tasty hai yeh apple
W for waste na karo time aur khaalo jaldi se apple
X for X'mas mei bhii Hi! khana padenge apple
Y for yun na chehra phero dekhkey apple
Z for zaraasa aur khaalo apple aur………..

Hahahahaaaaa

- My Funny Inbox
massive collection of funny e-mails, jokes, funny pictures

The 5 toughest questions for men are:

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly ( i.e.tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to
have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

a. Baseball.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!") ☺

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include:

a. Oh Yeah, shit loads.
b.. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Among the incorrect answers are:

a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how Iwould spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Incorrect responses include:

a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
c.. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
d. Define pretty..
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question# 5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question.

(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette!")