Melvin Durai's Humor : "GOOD SPELLING SAVES SOME YELLING"

Column at Nshima.com

Because I'm Indian, many people assume I'm good at spelling. After all, six of the last 10 winners of the National Spelling Bee are of Indian descent and three of them are now
making millions on the PSA (Professional Spelling Association) tour.

Unfortunately, I'm a terrible speller. It's a good thing I can do a spell-check on my computer or I'd really embrace myself.

Spelling is a good skill to have -- and not just for writers. If you can't spell words correctly, your boss might give you a peace of his mind. And as a result, you won't have any piece of mind.

Spelling is particularly important in certain professions. If you're a tattoo artist, for example, it's a good idea to know how to spell because -- and I'm going out on a limb here -- few of your customers will be former spelling bee champions. Customers can get quite angry when they discover they have a permanent misspelling on their posterior.

Customer: "You idiot! Look what you wrote: 'My hart belongs to Tommy.'"

Tattoo artist (scratching head): "What's wrong with that?"

Customer: "It's supposed to be Tammy!"

Tattoo artist: "No problem, dude. I'll just change the O to an A. It won't look too bad."

Customer: "Okay, man. And I'll do the same with your check -- change the 0 to an A. It won't look too bad."

It can be expensive to remove tattoos, so if you're considering one, make sure you go to a good tattoo parlor, not one that claims to have the "best artits in town."

The same goes for sign painters. You don't want to be the laughing stock of your neighborhood, even if misspellings can make some signs more effective, such as the one that a property owner put on his gate: "Warning: Trespassers will be prostituted."

A misspelling can hurt a business, confusing or even scaring potential customers. And yet you can find hundreds of misspellings on business signs -- and that's in New York City alone. Wherever you live, just look around and you're likely to spot signs like these:

At a carpet warehouse: "Ask us about our low installation rats." (No thanks. We've already complained to the city about all the road dents.)

At a limousine rental business: "We make you feel impotent."
(Better bring those pills along.)

At a furniture store: "All our sofas are now on clarance."
(Poor Clarance! Someone call 911.)

At an Indian restaurant: "We appreciate our costumers."
(Especially the ones dressed like Gandhi.)

At an electrolysis office: "No appointment necessary. Open to the pubic." (Sorry, but mine doesn't read. You'll have to invest in a pubic-address system.)

Some of the worst spellers -- aside from teen-agers on the Net -- are people holding signs at public demonstrations. A couple of years ago, during a Martin Luther King Day march in Corpus Christi, Texas, a woman waved a sign that said "I have a draem." That didn't look too bad, actually, compared to the sign beside her, carried by a man who appeared to have raided the local liquor store: "I have de rum."

----------------------------------------------------------
(c) Copyright 2008 Melvin Durai. All Rights Reserved.
MelvinDurai.com

The Leave Applications

It's murder of English language. But Too Funny.


· Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.."


· This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."



· Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."


· From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."


· Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"


· An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."


· A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"


· Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."


· Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."


· Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."



· Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".




· Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."


· A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'.... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.


- My Funny Inbox
massive collection of funny e-mails, jokes, funny pictures

Apology Letter of a Bihari Teacher

A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty two days after the actual date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in writing...

_________

Deer sur,

If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker.

This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly,but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment.

I tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun.

I putted a complain on station masterji.

He said I to go to the lady clerk.

At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun.

Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun.

Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life.

I hope u will look into explain my hole story after,and late me joint first.

I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement.

May God blast you!"


Yours awfully,
yadav


May God Blast You! :)


- My Funny Inbox
massive collection of funny e-mails, jokes, funny pictures