- If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry! Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!
- Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it.
- Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside. So, try going out without clothes tomorrow and see the admiration!
- Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules the world! That's called Attitude! Keep on rocking!
- Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!
- He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim. They said, he who never lived, cannot die!
- A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles? He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!
- So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow sure!
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Saturday, January 14, 2012
8 Logics
Who is Balachandra?
During lunch break one afternoon at work, Rajgopalan and Shakaracharya were chatting....
Rajgopalan: Shankar, I've been working late every day since I have joined here & hence I got a promotion and very good bonus this appraisal.
Shankaracharya: How could it be Raj? Is that the only secret?
Rajgopalan: No, in the process of staying after office hours, I have also gathered a lot of General Knowledge; & my boss also asked me such questions at appraisal time.
Shankaracharya: Like what?
Rajgopalan: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
Friday, August 21, 2009
Awesome Replies to Adult Questions
(Miss Universe Contest)
USA
Question: Ms America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms America: Well, I can say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms America: Because it stands every time it sees a woman..
(Applause! Applause!)
USA
Question: Ms America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms America: Well, I can say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
Question: How can you say so?
Ms America: Because it stands every time it sees a woman..
(Applause! Applause!)
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Friday, August 22, 2008
Tech Support
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the
Open Desktop."
Customer: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right click again. Do you
see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what
you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click'
and I wrote 'click'."
(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to
tell the rest of the tech support staff what had
happened. I couldn't, however, stop from
giggling when I got back to the call.)
Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the
keyboard?"
Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"
Open Desktop."
Customer: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right click again. Do you
see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what
you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click'
and I wrote 'click'."
(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to
tell the rest of the tech support staff what had
happened. I couldn't, however, stop from
giggling when I got back to the call.)
Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the
keyboard?"
Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"
Monday, August 18, 2008
Mother-in-Law
A young lady came home from a date looking rather sad. She told her mother, "Rahul proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.
"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."
Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
Groaner
Life was desperate in rural Holland. As far as he could remember, the poor little Dutch boy could remember nothing but hardships. Food was scarce, his father was abusive, and there was nothing to do after school but chores.
Every day was another hardship.
The boy loved to dive from the windmill into the canal, but his father hated to find that he had skipped out on his chores.
The boy loved to dive from the windmill into the canal, but his father hated to find that he had skipped out on his chores.
Whenever he returned, his father would beat him.
However, if he didn't skip out, his father would find a reason to beat him anyhow.
Life was nothing but hardships, except for the secret escapes to practice diving from the windmill.
Eventually the boy, now in his late teens, heard of a great contest in far-away China.
Eventually the boy, now in his late teens, heard of a great contest in far-away China.
The best divers in the world, along with the best of everything else would meet to decide who was REALLY the best.
It would be the perfect escape from the hardships of his mundane life.
He runs away from home, sneaks aboard a freighter in Rotterdam and waits.
No good.
Of course, he is discovered.
Beaten by the crew, bloody, he is sent home to his unimpressed father, who finds new hardships for him to endure.
A better story-teller than I could tell you of his next four or five attempts to get to the Beijing games, each of which failed, yielding nothing but ever more painful hardships.
A better story-teller than I could tell you of his next four or five attempts to get to the Beijing games, each of which failed, yielding nothing but ever more painful hardships.
The poor little Dutch boy stoically endured each of them, persevering and enduring.
Eventually, he stows away in a cruise liner heading for the orient.
Eventually, he stows away in a cruise liner heading for the orient.
He isn't found until four days out at sea.
The captain has the discretion of calling for a chopper to take him back to the Netherlands, or to let him continue the trip and let immigration in China deal with the problem.
The captain listens to the boy describing how he's been doing difficult dives all his life, and how demonstrating the perfection he's developed to the rest of the world in China is his only chance to escape from the hardships of his normal life.
The captain decides to let the boy demonstrate his abilities.
The captain decides to let the boy demonstrate his abilities.
If the boy can execute a perfect dive from the top of the radar mast, he can continue to the Olympics.
So, the radar is turned off, and the boy climbs the hundred feet to the top of the radar mast. He looks down.
He has never dived from a ship before.
The gentle sway of the ship is magnified by the height of the radar mast.
He didn't expect this.
Looking down, he sees ...
Pool, deck, sea, deck, pool, deck, sea, deck, pool...
He jumps! ...
And misses!
He crashes right THROUGH the deck!
Everyone runs for the stairs to see if he's OK.
There's a splintered hole in the B deck.
Even the metal decks of the C, D, and E decks have been burst.
They find the body crumpled against the very hull itself, and even that is dented.
Everyone is astonished when he sits up, dazed, but apparently unhurt.
Everyone is astonished when he sits up, dazed, but apparently unhurt.
The captain, horrified and apologetic, rushes forward.
"My goodness! I never should have asked you to try that! Are you OK? "
The boy shakes his head and answers:
The boy shakes his head and answers:
"That's OK. I'm used to it. I've been through many
HARD SHIPS before."
Men are better friends
Women: A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment overnight. The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them confirm that.
Men: A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment overnight. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirmed that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!
Conclusion : Men are better friends
Men: A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment overnight. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirmed that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!
Conclusion : Men are better friends
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Apology Letter of a Bihari Teacher
A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty two days after the actual date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in writing...
_________
Deer sur,
If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker.
This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly,but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment.
I tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun.
I putted a complain on station masterji.
He said I to go to the lady clerk.
At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun.
Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun.
Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life.
I hope u will look into explain my hole story after,and late me joint first.
I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement.
May God blast you!"
Yours awfully,
yadav
May God Blast You! :)
- My Funny Inbox
massive collection of funny e-mails, jokes, funny pictures
Extreme Sardarism
teacher- if theives come from back side the what to do?
sardar- It's so simple dial 001 police will also come from backside!
- My Funny Inbox
massive collection of funny e-mails, jokes, funny pictures
sardar- It's so simple dial 001 police will also come from backside!
- My Funny Inbox
massive collection of funny e-mails, jokes, funny pictures
Mail From a Wellwisher
Hi,
If you know some one staying in Pune let them know this. If you are in pune, do go through this story COZ, its a real one. Read this true story...
and let everybody you know in and around Pune especially University Road
..........
My friend lives in Deccan ... One day he went to University Road to visit his uncle for some days as his parents had to attend a wedding in Lonavla. One evening he and some other of my college friends went to Adlabs for a movie.
He had so much fun that he forgot that it's very late.
He caught the last PMT to University Road ...... he reached University Road around midnight.... ... He had to walk about a mile from the bus stop to home.... As he was walking alone, he could sense that the night felt very creepy as it was so dark. While walking, he was astonished to see an old weird-looking guy selling some books. It was a very unusual thing to see a thing like that.....
It got the shivers ! on him when he noticed that his old guy was unusually pale and staring at him.... The old guy said "Son why don't you buy a book...it would keep you company".
Then my friend did something which he would regret for the rest of his life. My friend started to act brave & thought why not & had a look at his collections. ..
My friend's hair started to stand on end as he noticed that all the books were related to supernatural activities.. .but he found one that was very interesting.
So he asked the old man "how much is it, uncle?"
The old guy replied, "Well son...this is an interesting book...it's only for Rs 250".
My friend was shocked and said "but...but... it's expensive"
This time the old man stared which freaked my friend.
My friend did not want to cross this scary old man, so he quickly checked all his pockets & found Rs.200 & said "This is all I have." The old guy replied "It's OK son... you can have the book for that price"
As my friend was just about to run for home....the old man called back & said
"Son ... whatever happens, don't ever flip the book to it's last page... remember these words or you will regret...!!! !!"
My friend nodded and never looked back ... Reaching home...he quickly asked his Uncle whether there was any new old book seller nearby?
The Uncle replied " I haven't seen him but ....we've heard that there's 1 old man who comes once in a while during full moon nights but heard that there is something creepy about it...why son?"
My friend freaked out... he told his uncle "nothing uncle... just asking".
He started reading the book with the old man's parting words on his mind...
At night, 2 o'clock, as he went to bed, a gush of wind blew which chilled him up to his bones. At that point, he noticed the wind had blown th e pages to its last page. He remembered what the old man has said!
But we humans tend to have the tendency to know.. Out of curiosity, he flipped to the last page & fainted... What he saw at the last page is stated below:
Don't look further down if you have a weak heart
I warn you
...........
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Original price:-- Rs. 20/-
Promotion price:-- Rs. 10/-
************ ********* ********* ****
he he he he hhe hhe
Now don't search me to kill , go back to work! :)
Good day! Keep smiling!!!
- My Funny Inbox
massive collection of funny e-mails, jokes, funny pictures
If you know some one staying in Pune let them know this. If you are in pune, do go through this story COZ, its a real one. Read this true story...
and let everybody you know in and around Pune especially University Road
..........
My friend lives in Deccan ... One day he went to University Road to visit his uncle for some days as his parents had to attend a wedding in Lonavla. One evening he and some other of my college friends went to Adlabs for a movie.
He had so much fun that he forgot that it's very late.
He caught the last PMT to University Road ...... he reached University Road around midnight.... ... He had to walk about a mile from the bus stop to home.... As he was walking alone, he could sense that the night felt very creepy as it was so dark. While walking, he was astonished to see an old weird-looking guy selling some books. It was a very unusual thing to see a thing like that.....
It got the shivers ! on him when he noticed that his old guy was unusually pale and staring at him.... The old guy said "Son why don't you buy a book...it would keep you company".
Then my friend did something which he would regret for the rest of his life. My friend started to act brave & thought why not & had a look at his collections. ..
My friend's hair started to stand on end as he noticed that all the books were related to supernatural activities.. .but he found one that was very interesting.
So he asked the old man "how much is it, uncle?"
The old guy replied, "Well son...this is an interesting book...it's only for Rs 250".
My friend was shocked and said "but...but... it's expensive"
This time the old man stared which freaked my friend.
My friend did not want to cross this scary old man, so he quickly checked all his pockets & found Rs.200 & said "This is all I have." The old guy replied "It's OK son... you can have the book for that price"
As my friend was just about to run for home....the old man called back & said
"Son ... whatever happens, don't ever flip the book to it's last page... remember these words or you will regret...!!! !!"
My friend nodded and never looked back ... Reaching home...he quickly asked his Uncle whether there was any new old book seller nearby?
The Uncle replied " I haven't seen him but ....we've heard that there's 1 old man who comes once in a while during full moon nights but heard that there is something creepy about it...why son?"
My friend freaked out... he told his uncle "nothing uncle... just asking".
He started reading the book with the old man's parting words on his mind...
At night, 2 o'clock, as he went to bed, a gush of wind blew which chilled him up to his bones. At that point, he noticed the wind had blown th e pages to its last page. He remembered what the old man has said!
But we humans tend to have the tendency to know.. Out of curiosity, he flipped to the last page & fainted... What he saw at the last page is stated below:
Don't look further down if you have a weak heart
I warn you
...........
....
....
....
....
....
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
....
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
....
...
....
....
....
....
...
...
...
....
...
...
.....
Original price:-- Rs. 20/-
Promotion price:-- Rs. 10/-
************ ********* ********* ****
he he he he hhe hhe
Now don't search me to kill , go back to work! :)
Good day! Keep smiling!!!
- My Funny Inbox
massive collection of funny e-mails, jokes, funny pictures
Baby Turtle
A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch.
When he landed at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree, and with a sigh started to climb.
About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch. Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing.
Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds. Mommy bird turned to Daddy bird and said, "Don't you think it's time we told him he was adopted?"
When he landed at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree, and with a sigh started to climb.
About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch. Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing.
Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds. Mommy bird turned to Daddy bird and said, "Don't you think it's time we told him he was adopted?"
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